50 Ways to Infuriate Firestar
One. Name Switching Bluefire (my OC): *pulls Firestar costume out from under nest and puts it on* StarClan! I wish to change my name to Undeserving Leader! And Bluefire’s new name is Bluestar 2.0! Clan: *dies of laughter* Firestar: *returns from hunting* WHAT IS GOING ON! Clan: Hi, Undeserving Leader! Firestar: *dies* Two. Copycat (yes, I called it this on purpose) Firestar: Cloudtail, go catch me five rabbits Bluefire: *in high pitched voice* Cloudtail, go catch me five rabbits Firestar: I’m a stupid face Bluefire: I’m a stupid face Firestar: *yells* I AM A DUMMY Bluefire: we know already Firestar: *dies* Three. “Hey Dude” Bluefire: hey dude, want fifty squirrels? Firestar: yup Bluefire: ok, dude Firestar: clean out the elders den Bluefire: sure dude Firestar: and stop calling me that Bluefire: I never called you “that,” I called you “dude.” Firestar: sigh Four: Dying Bluestar: wanna pull a prank? Bluefire: yeah! Bluestar: tell everyone that Firestar died in his sleep Bluefire: okay. Bluefire: It is with great sadness that I announce the death of Firestar! Brambleclaw: Yay!!! Come on, Jayfeather! Firestar: what the—? Jayfeather: It’s a StarClan cat! Let’s listen to what he has to say! Sandstorm: Oh Firestar... Firestar: BLUEFIRE! Bluefire: what Firestar: *dies for real* Five: Falling Over Bluefire: hey, here are your squirrels! *surreptitiously drops one* Firestar: thanks *trips over squirrel* Bluefire: GET UP FIREBUTT Jayfeather: You twisted your paw pretty bad back there... can you make it to my den? Firestar: Yes I— *trips again* Bluefire and Jayfeather: GET UP FIREBUTT Firestar: I’m getting some WATER... *trips again* All of Clan: GET UP FIREBUTT Firestar: *dies* Six. Rubber Bluefire: here’s your rabbit! *holds out a rubber toy* Firestar: this is rubbery... Bluefire: what on earth Firestar: this is RUBBERY... Bluefire: it’s rubber Firestar: *dies* Seven. Cause of yo Mama Firestar: Why do I have 9323161 thrushes and not 9323162 Bluefire: cause of yo mama Firestar: and why isn’t Brambleclaw back by now? Bluefire: cause of yo mama Firestar: and why am I alive? Bluefire: cause of yo mama Firestar: D:’ (raised eyebrow face) Bluefire: it’s true Firestar: *dies* Eight. Firestar’s Flabby Bluefire: you’re really flabby today. Let’s weigh you on this scale. Firestar: What’s a scale??? Bluefire: stand on it Firestar: okay *breaks scale* Bluefire: you’re overweight Firestar: *dies* Nine. Math Quiz Bluefire: What is 1+1 Firestar: window! What is a window, anyway? Oh yes, I remember now. My Twolegs’ den had them, and you could look outside through them. But yes, the answer is “window.” Bluefire: THE ANSWER IS 2, YOU MOUSE-BRAIN Firestar: THIS IS YOUR CLAN LEADER! Bluefire: no, your Clan and my Clan are different. Very. Firestar: so? Bluefire: now, what is 4 sixths plus 3 ninths? Firestar: 7 sixty-ninths? No, seven fifteenths! 7 over 15! Bluefire: No, it’s ONE! Firestar: no, you add the numerators and denominators and you get 7/15. Bluefire: only AFTER you convert the denominators so that both fractions have an equal denominator! Firestar: HOW IN THE DARK FOREST DO YOU DO THAT Bluefire: 6X9=54. THAT IS THE DENOMINATOR! Firestar: seven over 54? Bluefire: you then need to multiply the numerator by whatever you multiplied the denominator. Firestar: so you end up with 36/54 and 18/54. Add them, and you get 54/54. THAT IS NOT 1! Bluefire: if the numerator and denominator are the same, the fraction is one. Firestar: O_O Bluefire: Thank you. Readers, you just got a free math lesson! Ten. Math, Part Two Bluefire: what is 87x8- (40x15)÷ 384? Firestar: ummm, 25.625? (I used a calculator for this) Bluefire: NO! IT’S 0.25! Firestar: what in StarClan Bluefire: you gotta use PEMDAS! Firestar: WHATS A PEMDAS Bluefire: first, solve what’s in the parentheses Firestar: six hundred Bluefire: and then multiply and divide. Firestar: so it’s 96 ÷ 384, which is 0.25. *dies* Eleven. How to Kill a Cat Bluefire: Welcome to the show 1000 Ways to Kill a Cat! Our first guest is... FIRESTAR!!! Firestar: why am I here Bluefire: so that you can die Firestar: ok Bluefire: *shoves a firework into Firestar* Firestar: *shoots into the air and explodes* Bluefire: welp, that wraps up episode 1! Episode 12: Halloween Bluefire: *puts on Tigerstar costume* Cloudtail: *puts on Darkstripe costume* Sandstorm: *puts on a Scourge costume* Squirrelflight: *puts on badger costume* Rest of Clan: *dresses as foxes* Firestar: *gasps* Bluefire: I’m a better leader than you could ever be Firestar: you said that to me in The Last Hope (it‘s true!) Cloudtail: I never died in that battle! Time for revenge for all our dead leaders! Sandstorm: you thought I was dead, right? I WAS HIDING IN DA DARK FOREST ALL DIS TIME!!! Squirrelflight: *growls* Firestar: YOU WILL NOT KILL ME LIKE YOU KILLED MY APPRENTICE Firestar: *gasps as the “foxes” attack him* All of Clan: *pulls off costumes* Bluefire: FOOLED YA Firestar: *dies* Thirteen. Battle Bluefire: BATTLE! ON THE SHADOWCLAN BORDER!!! Firestar: I’M COMING Bluefire: *runs off* Firestar: WHERE IS DA BATTLE Bluefire: ummm Firestar: *gets blown up* Bluefire: that is a PRANK Firestar: YOU ARE SUCH A FOX-HEAR—*dies* Bluefire: woot woot Fourteen: Pi Bluefire: want some pie? Firestar: Sure! As long as it’s not waffle flavored... Bluefire: not at all! Firestar: where is it? Bluefire: ☀ https://www.piday.org/million/ Firestar: *dies* Bluefire: what is it Firestar? I thought that Firestar loved pi! Firestar: GET OUT OF THUNDERCLAN YOU FOX-HEART! YOU CAN DIE, JUST GET OUT! I‘VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU! OUT! OUT! OUT! Bluefire: heh heh Fifteen: Fire On Fire Bluefire: okay! Today we’re going to be doing a special! Fire on Fire! Heh heh... Firestar: why am I here? Didn’t I exile you? Bluefire: Firestar! You will shut up! *shoves moss into Firestar’s mouth* Firestar: *spits it out* WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME Bluefire: *lights a match* YOU WILL WALK THROUGH THE FIRE OR ELSE I‘LL KILL YA Firestar: StarClan doesn’t want this!!! Bluefire: *forces Firestar into the fire* Firestar: *dies* Sixteen: Spray Paint and Sharpies Category:Spoof Category:Firestar